Fail.

I just took that Facial Beauty Analysis test online. Why? A combination of boredom and feeling insecure. Anyway, my facial symmetry was 8.73 (which I think is respectable). But, the funny part is, according to Anaface.com, my innerocular distance is too big for my eyes! Hahaha! Which means I have wide-set eyes. Seriously. People with wide-set eyes freak me out. Fail.

Change

Love

I love you.

It is hard to say this to somebody for the first time. I'm not arguing that. However, when you are talking with your family or close friends, these words should not be difficult to say and these are the three words you should say. Not "I love ya" or "Love ya" or "Love you" or "I love you!!!!" There are no word substitutes or exclamation marks needed. "I love you" is powerful enough on its own.

My short 24 years of life on Earth have taught me that nothing in life is certain. The control freak in me hates this, but it is true. I never know when I will talk with someone for the last time and I want to be certain that the last time I told someone I loved them it wasn't trivialized by seventeen exclamation marks.

I love when people tell me that they love me. And I know I'm not the only one.
So, I love you. And that's a fact.

Genius

I waited 20 minutes for my show to go to commercial so I could go to the bathroom until I realized I was watching it on Netflix. I am a genius.

StrongBad voice: DELETED

Super Power

I have a super power. This is not a newly acquired power, I have had it my entire life. My power is the ability to be invisible. I cannot control it. I guess you could say it is a naturally occurring phenomenon. You don't believe me? Think back. Remember that time when you could have sworn you heard someone sneeze and you and your friend turned to each other and both said, "bless you"? Yeah, that was me. I had a little bit of a cold. That's also where all the Kleenex were disappearing to. Sorry about that.

Lawyered!

People tell me that I always have to prove myself right. Well they're wrong. And I'm going to prove it to them...

Skinny

A tutor who tooted a flute
tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot,
Or to tutor two tooters to toot?"

Also,

Fatty and Skinny went to bed. Fatty rolled over and Skinny was dead.

When I was younger, my brother Josh and I both got a joke and limerick book from our mom. That night we stayed up late reading them out loud to each other and laughing so hard! We especially liked the one about Fatty and Skinny. We read that one over and over, laughing harder each time. After Josh left to go to his own room, we heard Heather crying hysterically in her bedroom. Our mom went to Heather's room to see why she was so upset, and Heather responds: "Skinny is under my bed!"

Favorite Things

There are many things I like. Here are two of them:

1. Taking a bag of popcorn out of the microwave when the kernels are still popping. I love when I pick up the bag and feel the jolt of a kernel turning into a fluffy, delicious piece of Heaven.

2. The picture on the pull tab inside of my trunk. This picture makes me laugh every time I see it. Any time I think of it, really. I can just imagine being in a trunk and seeing this tab. "Ohhhh. It's pull and then run away. Gotcha.
















That is all.

Daughter

"Keep my daughter in a jar. She can't get out. She won't go far."
~Emiliana Torrini - Baby Blue

Dreams

I had a dream that I had a pink baby elephant as a pet. She was about the size of Joon (maybe a little bit bigger) and she was bright pink. Her ears were about 3/4 the size of her body and when I rubbed her belly while she was sleeping she would roll onto her back and smile her little elephant dream smile. I can't even begin to describe how adorable she was.

Why can't dreams be real??

Hypochondriac

I cracked my back last night and it felt Amazing! However, as I was moving my body back into an upright position, I felt something warm seeping from my nose. I freaked out. Not like screaming and crying or playing death metal while I slowly pull out every strand of my hair. I freaked out to the point that I was momentarily paralyzed. I was absolutely positive that it was not only blood coming out of my right nostril, but also trace amounts of spinal fluid. I was pretty sure that by indulging in my guilty pleasure of cracking my back, I had inadvertently decreased my life span by a significant amount of time.

I wanted to know if the liquid in question was indeed blood so I could confront my inevitable death once and for all, but I couldn't bring myself to touch my face. For what felt like a lifetime, I stood next to my bed unwilling to move. Until finally, I moved my hand shakily to my face as I quietly sobbed. This was it. The moment that I found out I had 20 seconds to live. I slowly touched the tip of my finger to my upper lip and gazed at what lay on my finger.

It was snot. Apparently I'm getting a cold. Annoying? Yes. But not life-threatening.

Fah Who For-aze

I have a dream. Not a spectacular one that will change the world. Just a dream. I desperately want to be in a room full of people that suddenly join hands and start singing the "Welcome Christmas" song from the end of the "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". If this happens, I will cry.

Fah Who For-aze, Dah who dor-aze Welcome Christmas. Come this way... And no, I don't have the lyrics memorized. That would just be insane...

Wolverine

I had the strangest feeling today as I walked outside and smelled the beginning of Spring. (And yes, when I smell things I often like to act like I am Wolverine sensing something extremely important. If someone ever saw me do it I would be so embarrassed.) As I smelled Spring I had this feeling that I had never experienced anything but winter. Like, my whole life I had been living in this eternal winter and hadn't realized it until that moment. I really felt like I was experiencing Spring for the first time. It was so astonishingly marvelous.

Almonds

If I enjoy eating almonds because the sound they make when they squeak against my teeth sounds like tiny screams, is that a bad thing? Same with almost stale popcorn. It makes me giggle.... I am a horrible person.

Texting

Texting. Guhhggghhuuh. At first it was so amazing! Ok, strike that. At first I would get in trouble for texting one person a message like, "Omg! I am texting you!!" and then my mom would call me and say, "Michelle! I told you not to text me! It costs 15 cents every time you do it." But after a couple of years, almost every person had a texting package and I could text guilt free.

But now. Grrrrr. Now. I am so sick of people texting someone when we are having a conversation. What can be so important that they have to text them back right away? Unless the person texting them is saying, "I'm choking Plz come quickly to give me the Heimlich maneuver ." In which case they can reply with, "I'll be right there". Actually, they probably shouldn't reply. They should skip that part and actually be right there. Plus, most people I'm talking about aren't just interrupting the conversation with one text. They are actually having an entire other conversation with someone. It's so unbelievably rude. Please stop. Or should I say, "Plz stop."

Sneetches

I was reading The Sneetches to a girl "S" I babysit and it jolted me back to reality. (Actually, it could have really jolted me into reality for the first time. Who am I to say that I've visited this "Reality" before?) As I was reading, S said, "I would just put a star sticker on my tummy so they would think I was one of them and then they would want to play with me!" I'm sure I thought the same thing when hearing this story as a child but I now realize that I don't want to hang around people that don't acknowledge and embrace my differences. Granted, I'm not spectacularly unique, but I'm also not a cookie cutter 20-something year old girl. I also don't want to spend my time with people who are indifferent to my presence. I do not want to attend anything as a last-minute invitee. One would think that being invited at all is better than not even considered, but it isn't. It really isn't.

With bitterness in my heart and a fresh feeling of rejection, I really identified with the Sneetches with "none upon thars". How unfair that they were left out of the walks along the beach and frankfurter roasts! They were just as good as those Star Belly Sneetches. They were entitled to have just as much fun as them! Then (now here comes the jolt) I realized something. Just because I feel unwanted by the SBS (Star Belly Sneeetches) doesn't mean I have to feel bad about myself. This may seem like common sense, but apparantly it wasn't to me. I don't have to be liked by everyone and not everyone (even if they are related to me) has to like me. This is a difficult realization but it is true nonetheless.

Here is the truth: I am just as good as the Star Belly Sneetches. No better. No worse. They have the right to not like me or want to be around me. I am truly going to try and not be bitter about being left out. It's just the way things are. I may not be invited to walk along the beach with them, but if I walk long enough with a spring in my step maybe someone will join me and appreciate me for who I am. Not for what's on my belly.